Maundering

I spent too much of yesterday & last night, thinking about the women in my life: starting from Shirley (naturally enough) but considering most of them, and realising how damaged they all were, from their childhoods. There's a temptation to think that I only choose damaged women, either from lack of confidence or from broken-wing syndrome, but actually I don't think that's it, because it extends to women I've only known as friends, or even in some cases just acquaintances, and they all seem to be damaged.

Not all in the same way, for sure, but far too many are broken in such similar ways: and almost all looking for a father-figure, to make it right, or (as Shirley) to repeat the same pattern of damage, it seems.

I suppose the same is true of men (like I care): and lo, there are both Paul and I, hitched to strong, bighearted blondes :) Which doesn't really bother me as I don't see it as broken so much as a point of healing. I figure everyone is condemned to either seek out their mother/father, or seek out the diametric reverse, there doesn't seem to be much escaping from that.

But looking at Shirley's history (and Kay's, and Amanda's, and Michelle's, and Linda's, and ...well, you get the idea), & the cycle seems to be, to pick up with someone like dear old Dad, endure a repeat of the same treatment (whether beatings, being ignored, being manipulated, or whatever), breaking up messily and at great length, then - immediately! - stumbling into the next iteration of the same cycle: and despite my efforts, I've never really been able to help any of them break out from this vicious circle.

Depressing thought, really.

Thank god Cat went looking for the opposite of her father, for that matter.

But it also makes me wonder if this is an artefact of our generation - at some level, I can't see it, why would it be so unique? On the other hand, where the women are reacting to distant/absent fathers, does this mean that our generations' fathers were more distant and less involved than their parents in turn? I suppose there's some plausibility to that - until I think of Victorian childrearing & realise that parenting in the 20s & 30s & 40s must emerge from that hideous pall. So, no, we must all go through this I guess; although prior to the 60s I guess it just wasnt really discussed openly.

Oh well, enough blithering for the day