Well, actually, I've never seen eye to eye with Donne on this one - some people's deaths diminish noone, and are nothing but a blessing.
Not this time, tho: my ex-wife, Shirley, has died. As far as I can tell from this distance, died in hospital so presumably the brain tumour did come back and grab her. I'm glad of this, as it was a tossup whether depression drove her to suicide, or one of her ailments wound up killing her, and suicide always seems such a negative, stupid way to go (barring voluntary euthanasia I guess).
Hopefully at some point I'll hear what exactly happened - last I heard from her, 2 months ago, she was in remission, and heading off for an extended vacation in the South Island on her motorbike. I guess something happened & it came back again.
It feels pretty empty here, thinking about her, and Kay, and Pip, all dead and gone now. I know, as you get older, your friends start dying off, but I didn't think it'd start quite this soon (soon hahah, like I'm still a youngster).
Poor Shirley, she didn't want that much from life - just a normal life, husband & kids & house in the suburbs. Doesn't seem like too much to ask for, really, but she never got there: too damaged growing up, and then horrendous picks in men, over and over (of course the one leads to the other, given what her father was like). Not that she was ever going to get the normal life with me, but since then, oh dear what a bunch of scum she chose: I guess a pretty fair reflection of the father-figure thing.
Ah well, ave atque vale Shirl - Sorry I was a lousy husband, glad I was your friend for the last 20 years.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
More good news!
Busy day today (Thursdays usually are), so I better keep this short, but - I've now got my Arkansas driving license :)
Very easy test indeed - just drive around the block, 4 right-hand turns. No parking test, no hillstart, not even a left-hand turn across traffic. So long as you come to a complete stop at Stop signs, and don't actually prang the car, you get a pass.
The best bit is definitely the reduction in insurance - still waiting for some quotes, but on the best so far, I should be able to knock $1200 off my annual bill, which is definitely a Good Thing.
Meh, back to work now
Very easy test indeed - just drive around the block, 4 right-hand turns. No parking test, no hillstart, not even a left-hand turn across traffic. So long as you come to a complete stop at Stop signs, and don't actually prang the car, you get a pass.
The best bit is definitely the reduction in insurance - still waiting for some quotes, but on the best so far, I should be able to knock $1200 off my annual bill, which is definitely a Good Thing.
Meh, back to work now
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Good news
Well that's nice - we've just got letters from the USCIS (Citizenship & Immigration Service), notifying us that they've graciously taken our money, and the next step will be a Biometric exam (i.e. fingerprints, retina scans, that stuff), to be conducted at their offices, and they'll notify us when it is scheduled.
So, at least they didn't get lost in the mail or delivered to the wrong department - always a popular ploy with bureaucracies - and we haven't been rejected out-of-hand. Now just to wait for them to get it together for the next step. What's after that? Not sure, for normal immigrants it would be a face to face interview to make sure we aren't terrorists or threats to the nation of some sort, but as we did those when we got our L-visas, I'm not sure if we will repeat that or not (of course, it's bureaucracy, so 2 guesses as to the answer).
The rain let up yesterday, at last, and we had a real sticky hot day. I say we, but actually my office is (so far) being kept at a cool dry temperature - not sure what, but it's low enough that short-sleeves feels a little chilly: so actually Cat had to suffer through that, I merely endured it for the evening. It's certainly getting warm enough to start thinking of using the aircon - altho the price of that is a distinct disincentive.
Oh, and some really good news - my friend Sarah, in Chicago, has finally found herself a girlfriend - 3 months before she leaves to go back to NZ, it's true, so the timing isn't ideal, but I'm just delighted that she's found someone for a while.
More tomorrow
So, at least they didn't get lost in the mail or delivered to the wrong department - always a popular ploy with bureaucracies - and we haven't been rejected out-of-hand. Now just to wait for them to get it together for the next step. What's after that? Not sure, for normal immigrants it would be a face to face interview to make sure we aren't terrorists or threats to the nation of some sort, but as we did those when we got our L-visas, I'm not sure if we will repeat that or not (of course, it's bureaucracy, so 2 guesses as to the answer).
The rain let up yesterday, at last, and we had a real sticky hot day. I say we, but actually my office is (so far) being kept at a cool dry temperature - not sure what, but it's low enough that short-sleeves feels a little chilly: so actually Cat had to suffer through that, I merely endured it for the evening. It's certainly getting warm enough to start thinking of using the aircon - altho the price of that is a distinct disincentive.
Oh, and some really good news - my friend Sarah, in Chicago, has finally found herself a girlfriend - 3 months before she leaves to go back to NZ, it's true, so the timing isn't ideal, but I'm just delighted that she's found someone for a while.
More tomorrow
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Well, that was a soggy long weekend: rain, rain, rain, rain, and a bit of mist, with more rain to come. I guess we were lucky last year, when we arrived: then it was a heat wave, but dry. Apparently this weather is typical May weather for Arkansas, tho - a dry winter, a cool pleasant early spring, then a warm soggy late spring (to be followed by hot& steamy summer, oh joy).
Didn't really get to do very much over the weekend, as Cat got hit badly by menses this month, and had no energy (and lots of pain/cramps). Sometimes I'm just so grateful to be a man: at least, those times I don't have to deal with all the s*** that gets wrapped up in the concept :)
On Friday we did go over to our neighbours place - this is Tom & Molly: their only son, Matt, was home after completing training as a Navy medic & just before he left for Okinawa for his first tour of service (nice posting!). He had his girlfriend there as well - in fact, they announced their engagement that night - so there was quite a celebration.
Then we went to dinner with them on Saturday, after Matt had flown off to Okinawa: it was Molly's birthday the previous day, but she'd deferred any celebration until Matt had left so as to make the most of time with him, sensibly enough I guess. Anyway, we went to a place called the Samurai Steakhouse with them, Ellen (the fiancee), and Kay, a friend of Molly, and had a fairly enjoyable time (although the food was ... well, underwhelming and very expensive: not actively bad, but nothing much).
Otherwise we were very quiet, just went out for a drive to Conway on Monday, so Cat could buy some more fabric for dressmaking.
I'm hoping to find time to finally sit my driver's test this week - I was eligible to sit last week, but the work week just filled up with things & I didn't get a chance to do it. That would be a relief - not that I do much driving, Cat drives me to work & home each day so that she has the car during the day - but it will make life simpler, and should reduce our horrendous car insurance bill: because we had to get insurance with foreign licenses, it was roughly tripled from what would normally be paid here: it would be very nice to reduce that from it's current level ($260/month).
Well, back to work - more tomorrow
Didn't really get to do very much over the weekend, as Cat got hit badly by menses this month, and had no energy (and lots of pain/cramps). Sometimes I'm just so grateful to be a man: at least, those times I don't have to deal with all the s*** that gets wrapped up in the concept :)
On Friday we did go over to our neighbours place - this is Tom & Molly: their only son, Matt, was home after completing training as a Navy medic & just before he left for Okinawa for his first tour of service (nice posting!). He had his girlfriend there as well - in fact, they announced their engagement that night - so there was quite a celebration.
Then we went to dinner with them on Saturday, after Matt had flown off to Okinawa: it was Molly's birthday the previous day, but she'd deferred any celebration until Matt had left so as to make the most of time with him, sensibly enough I guess. Anyway, we went to a place called the Samurai Steakhouse with them, Ellen (the fiancee), and Kay, a friend of Molly, and had a fairly enjoyable time (although the food was ... well, underwhelming and very expensive: not actively bad, but nothing much).
Otherwise we were very quiet, just went out for a drive to Conway on Monday, so Cat could buy some more fabric for dressmaking.
I'm hoping to find time to finally sit my driver's test this week - I was eligible to sit last week, but the work week just filled up with things & I didn't get a chance to do it. That would be a relief - not that I do much driving, Cat drives me to work & home each day so that she has the car during the day - but it will make life simpler, and should reduce our horrendous car insurance bill: because we had to get insurance with foreign licenses, it was roughly tripled from what would normally be paid here: it would be very nice to reduce that from it's current level ($260/month).
Well, back to work - more tomorrow
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Big Things
While
well that was all I got to write before the inundation of work: I hope there was no deathless wisdom about to be recorded, because it's pretty much gone.
Oh, yes, the economy: we can certainly see plenty of signs of pain all around here - and Little Rock supposedly is suffering much less than the big cities are, as it didn't get the same growth as they, in the last 20 years. Big things, like stores closing or shortening hours, huge discounts on offer (especially on cars, but lots of other big tickets too), and small things - our local favorite cafes are noticeably emptier, and are overstaffed.
Because the staff are paid so pitifully & have to rely on tips, several of our favourites are quitting their jobs, & looking for something else - Carol, one of the supervisors, has had her weekend takehome pay shrink by 50% due to the decrease in tips (both fewer customers, and they're tipping smaller, apparently).
Oh, yeah, poor pay? The minimum wage here is something like $5.70 per hour, except if you work as a waiter/waitress, in which case it is $2.17 (plus tips are untaxed). This is enshrined in the minimum-wage laws, and strikes me as utterly ridiculous (plus makes me wonder, how did the restaurant-owners get at the legislators that effectively?) ... and then some places (at least some of the chain restaurants) are so venal that they insist the tips get pooled, and divided with the local managers as well. Feh.
Mind you, it hasn't really touched us yet: well, the company did announce in January that noone would get annual increases in salary this year, but comparatively speaking, that's nothing: and with the company doing essentially all its' business with the Pentagon, big utilities (Power companies), and big hospitals, there isn't a lot of serious threats to employment at the moment, or really, likely to be for a fair while: even in a bad recession, everyone needs power, everyone needs medical, and of course the Pentagon never actually shrinks, despite political claims.
So while I would probably have difficulty changing jobs at the moment, it seems fairly secure for me to stick here, more or less indefinitely. In fact, as I am working remotely to the site where the computers I work on are situated (i.e. Albuquerque in this case), I may be able to move to a different SAIC office & carry on the same job - assuming they have a spare desk for me to park myself on. I haven't discussed this with my supervisor yet, but it might be quite a nice way for us to move to a different part of the country, without having to be concerned about finding a new job (assuming she goes for this: there may be contractual reasons I'm unaware of, to keep me in Little Rock.
More on that later, when I've had a chance to sound her out: but the prospect of moving to Virginia (near DC), or Oregon (amongst other places they have bases), is quite tempting.
Otherwise, we have a long weekend coming up (Memorial Day on Monday), not sure what we'll do with it but the weather is good, we may go exploring (well, driving around in our car) up in the Ozarks, north of us.... or not. Doubtful if I'll get to post over the weekend, but should be back to it next Tuesday.
well that was all I got to write before the inundation of work: I hope there was no deathless wisdom about to be recorded, because it's pretty much gone.
Oh, yes, the economy: we can certainly see plenty of signs of pain all around here - and Little Rock supposedly is suffering much less than the big cities are, as it didn't get the same growth as they, in the last 20 years. Big things, like stores closing or shortening hours, huge discounts on offer (especially on cars, but lots of other big tickets too), and small things - our local favorite cafes are noticeably emptier, and are overstaffed.
Because the staff are paid so pitifully & have to rely on tips, several of our favourites are quitting their jobs, & looking for something else - Carol, one of the supervisors, has had her weekend takehome pay shrink by 50% due to the decrease in tips (both fewer customers, and they're tipping smaller, apparently).
Oh, yeah, poor pay? The minimum wage here is something like $5.70 per hour, except if you work as a waiter/waitress, in which case it is $2.17 (plus tips are untaxed). This is enshrined in the minimum-wage laws, and strikes me as utterly ridiculous (plus makes me wonder, how did the restaurant-owners get at the legislators that effectively?) ... and then some places (at least some of the chain restaurants) are so venal that they insist the tips get pooled, and divided with the local managers as well. Feh.
Mind you, it hasn't really touched us yet: well, the company did announce in January that noone would get annual increases in salary this year, but comparatively speaking, that's nothing: and with the company doing essentially all its' business with the Pentagon, big utilities (Power companies), and big hospitals, there isn't a lot of serious threats to employment at the moment, or really, likely to be for a fair while: even in a bad recession, everyone needs power, everyone needs medical, and of course the Pentagon never actually shrinks, despite political claims.
So while I would probably have difficulty changing jobs at the moment, it seems fairly secure for me to stick here, more or less indefinitely. In fact, as I am working remotely to the site where the computers I work on are situated (i.e. Albuquerque in this case), I may be able to move to a different SAIC office & carry on the same job - assuming they have a spare desk for me to park myself on. I haven't discussed this with my supervisor yet, but it might be quite a nice way for us to move to a different part of the country, without having to be concerned about finding a new job (assuming she goes for this: there may be contractual reasons I'm unaware of, to keep me in Little Rock.
More on that later, when I've had a chance to sound her out: but the prospect of moving to Virginia (near DC), or Oregon (amongst other places they have bases), is quite tempting.
Otherwise, we have a long weekend coming up (Memorial Day on Monday), not sure what we'll do with it but the weather is good, we may go exploring (well, driving around in our car) up in the Ozarks, north of us.... or not. Doubtful if I'll get to post over the weekend, but should be back to it next Tuesday.
Timing
Well, we seem to be having a perverse run of good fortune: I say perverse, because everything seems to be breaking down: the TV has developed a truly alarming neon-green overlay, which makes watching everything quite, well, trippy; the old phone has died and been replaced, the washing machine has been acting up (and smelling of hot motor oil!).
But this is good fortune, as they all seem to happening just before the warranties run out: poor planning on the manufacturers' part, I'm sure.
It does remind me of one thing that has struck both of us here, tho: the sheer amount of stuff people buy: not just clothes and such, but furniture, sports equipment, decorations, machinery, TVs & electrical knickknacks, you name it. I mean, I know we live in a consumerist society, but that seems to be exaggerated to the Nth degree here, compared to NZ, or even the UK.
In the UK, the homes always seemed jam-packed and stuffed overfull, but that always seemed like a function of the tiny crammed houses they live in (at least, in London & the South East, where we were): they might have a three-bedroom house, but it would be less than 1000 sq ft (or tiny, by NZ standard), so naturally just trying to fit everything they wanted into it, left it crammed. Of course, they also grotesquely overdecorated, but that's a different rant.
Here, the houses are 2 or 3 times as large on average - we have gone from an 800sqft 2 bedroom 9th story flat in London, to a 1500sqft 3 bedroom bungalow with a back yard (and a creek!) in Little Rock, and halved our rent in the process.
But the houses mostly seem to be at least as overfull as the English (although without the horrible overdecoration, thank ghu). TVs & CD players in every room, all manner of expensive toys, just stuff lying around because they don't have storage space for it, you name it: even people I'd regard as not very well off at all, still seem to have just ..... well, tons of junk.
Fortunately, I think, we're too old to start developing habits or tastes like this :) But it does ram home to me in a pretty visceral way, just how driven they are to shop, and how they're sold this bill of goods that shopping is inherently enjoyable.
But this is good fortune, as they all seem to happening just before the warranties run out: poor planning on the manufacturers' part, I'm sure.
It does remind me of one thing that has struck both of us here, tho: the sheer amount of stuff people buy: not just clothes and such, but furniture, sports equipment, decorations, machinery, TVs & electrical knickknacks, you name it. I mean, I know we live in a consumerist society, but that seems to be exaggerated to the Nth degree here, compared to NZ, or even the UK.
In the UK, the homes always seemed jam-packed and stuffed overfull, but that always seemed like a function of the tiny crammed houses they live in (at least, in London & the South East, where we were): they might have a three-bedroom house, but it would be less than 1000 sq ft (or tiny, by NZ standard), so naturally just trying to fit everything they wanted into it, left it crammed. Of course, they also grotesquely overdecorated, but that's a different rant.
Here, the houses are 2 or 3 times as large on average - we have gone from an 800sqft 2 bedroom 9th story flat in London, to a 1500sqft 3 bedroom bungalow with a back yard (and a creek!) in Little Rock, and halved our rent in the process.
But the houses mostly seem to be at least as overfull as the English (although without the horrible overdecoration, thank ghu). TVs & CD players in every room, all manner of expensive toys, just stuff lying around because they don't have storage space for it, you name it: even people I'd regard as not very well off at all, still seem to have just ..... well, tons of junk.
Fortunately, I think, we're too old to start developing habits or tastes like this :) But it does ram home to me in a pretty visceral way, just how driven they are to shop, and how they're sold this bill of goods that shopping is inherently enjoyable.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Some crap never ends
Well, we heard from NZ the result of the case against Ashley, at last - after half a dozen deferrals, the sentencing was held yesterday, and he was awarded one year, non-custodial sentence. Not sure what this means, I think it's probation, but it might mean one of those stupid leg-tag things.
This is what you get for repeated sexual abuse of your 3 daughters, your step-daughter, and several of their subteen friends? This is justice? Stinking bloody fish, I'm afraid. I'm feeling pretty outraged about it, but that is as nothing to how Cat feels - degraded, disregarded, and dejected.
Not surprisingly, she has crashed into severe depression as a result: she feels this is saying, there is no penalty, it was nothing serious, all her hurt and suffering is just a trivial thing. I don't know what to say to try and help her out of it: it is a gratuitous slap in the face to her, her sisters, and to Ruth, for their 12 years of perseverance in trying to get some justice, in the face of repeated police incompetence, idleness and indifference.
Oh well, all I can do is treat her tenderly, try and distract her from her thoughts, and make her feel loved. Meh.
This is what you get for repeated sexual abuse of your 3 daughters, your step-daughter, and several of their subteen friends? This is justice? Stinking bloody fish, I'm afraid. I'm feeling pretty outraged about it, but that is as nothing to how Cat feels - degraded, disregarded, and dejected.
Not surprisingly, she has crashed into severe depression as a result: she feels this is saying, there is no penalty, it was nothing serious, all her hurt and suffering is just a trivial thing. I don't know what to say to try and help her out of it: it is a gratuitous slap in the face to her, her sisters, and to Ruth, for their 12 years of perseverance in trying to get some justice, in the face of repeated police incompetence, idleness and indifference.
Oh well, all I can do is treat her tenderly, try and distract her from her thoughts, and make her feel loved. Meh.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Arkansas people
Hmm, and we didn't make it out again last night, either - Cat spent the bulk of the day at something called Patchy Quilters, where they seem to have really not been very nice to her (just ignoring her & not including her). It's the 3rd or 4th time she's attended them, and she seems to get badly handled by them every time, so she won't be going back there.
But it left her in a foul mood - at first she decided to go spend the evening with Betty, her friend, who has a Monday night sewing group: but then changed her mind, and spent the evening at home, reading (and stewing, I think).
Oh well, the people here really are quite peculiar. Some of them are tremendously friendly, and a lot of them are initially charmed by our funny accent, but ... there seems to be so much sexism, and so much scarcely-hidden racism, at every turn.
Cat had agreed to perform dog-sitting for our next-door neighbours (who have 4 dogs), so spent several evenings over there last week, acclimatising the dogs to her presence, and she was quite shocked by the open racism they exhibited to her (something they wouldn't expose in 'mixed' company, but, well, that's how that goes).
Holly, the wife, took us to their favorite diner for breakfast on Saturday, and sure enough, it was 'authentic American southern diner', complete with couples (all with the male sitting on the outside, the women against the wall, in all the booths), and of course Confederate flag and lots of Southern Pride bits & pieces. Shame, as the food was actually very good, but still, we won't be going back there.
I should emphasise, I suppose, these people (our neighbours) aren't ignorant or stupid - he's a psychiatrist, and she's a senior teacher - but they still seem to have this overlay of automatic racism, and they don't seem to feel any need to try and rise above it. I know I have plenty of unconcious racism still, but at least I struggle against it, at least I know it's wrong. That doesn't seem to have fully penetrated, in Arkansas.
More pontificating tomorrow, I hope.
But it left her in a foul mood - at first she decided to go spend the evening with Betty, her friend, who has a Monday night sewing group: but then changed her mind, and spent the evening at home, reading (and stewing, I think).
Oh well, the people here really are quite peculiar. Some of them are tremendously friendly, and a lot of them are initially charmed by our funny accent, but ... there seems to be so much sexism, and so much scarcely-hidden racism, at every turn.
Cat had agreed to perform dog-sitting for our next-door neighbours (who have 4 dogs), so spent several evenings over there last week, acclimatising the dogs to her presence, and she was quite shocked by the open racism they exhibited to her (something they wouldn't expose in 'mixed' company, but, well, that's how that goes).
Holly, the wife, took us to their favorite diner for breakfast on Saturday, and sure enough, it was 'authentic American southern diner', complete with couples (all with the male sitting on the outside, the women against the wall, in all the booths), and of course Confederate flag and lots of Southern Pride bits & pieces. Shame, as the food was actually very good, but still, we won't be going back there.
I should emphasise, I suppose, these people (our neighbours) aren't ignorant or stupid - he's a psychiatrist, and she's a senior teacher - but they still seem to have this overlay of automatic racism, and they don't seem to feel any need to try and rise above it. I know I have plenty of unconcious racism still, but at least I struggle against it, at least I know it's wrong. That doesn't seem to have fully penetrated, in Arkansas.
More pontificating tomorrow, I hope.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Return
Well, lets see if I can get back into a regular rhythm of posting here. Last weekend was our one-year anniversary of arriving in the USA, and we decided we'd go out to dinner on Sunday to celebrate. Alas, we're in the very buckle of the bible belt, so all the 'fine dining' or good quality restaurants were closed on Sunday - only the chain restaurants & takeaways were open - so we settled for a promise to visit one tonight, and went to IHOP for a cheap meal.
And for some reason the place we went to was empty - we had 5 servers waiting at the door for a patron, so service was very good for once :) ... and as it was fresh strawberry season, Cat had a crepe with strawberries & cream cheese (OK, I did have a bit, and yes it was totally delicious).
We finally got our applications for green cards (permanent residence) sent in, about 10 days ago now. The amount of paperwork was fairly staggering, plus we had to get complete physicals signed by a govt-approved doctor (from a quite short list) ... plus a cheque for $2000 to process the 2 applications. Unfortunately, the day after I'd mailed them in, one of the women that Cat does quilting with, informed her that we would probably be rejected & have to appeal, because we were meant to send the I-460, the G-365, and the M-671 (or whatever they were) to 3 different locations, not all to the same location .... not that this was mentioned anywhere in the instructions. Meh.
& what, she couldn't have mentioned this before I sent them? OH well, she bases this on her own experience, and did remark that the appeal thing was quite easy and straightforward, so maybe it won't louse things up too badly.
Oh, and Cat finally has her Arkansas drivers' license: I've passed the written test, & just waiting for a month to pass, so I can sit the practical (which, as it just involves 4 right turns going around the block, doesn't seem too arduous).
More in a day or two
And for some reason the place we went to was empty - we had 5 servers waiting at the door for a patron, so service was very good for once :) ... and as it was fresh strawberry season, Cat had a crepe with strawberries & cream cheese (OK, I did have a bit, and yes it was totally delicious).
We finally got our applications for green cards (permanent residence) sent in, about 10 days ago now. The amount of paperwork was fairly staggering, plus we had to get complete physicals signed by a govt-approved doctor (from a quite short list) ... plus a cheque for $2000 to process the 2 applications. Unfortunately, the day after I'd mailed them in, one of the women that Cat does quilting with, informed her that we would probably be rejected & have to appeal, because we were meant to send the I-460, the G-365, and the M-671 (or whatever they were) to 3 different locations, not all to the same location .... not that this was mentioned anywhere in the instructions. Meh.
& what, she couldn't have mentioned this before I sent them? OH well, she bases this on her own experience, and did remark that the appeal thing was quite easy and straightforward, so maybe it won't louse things up too badly.
Oh, and Cat finally has her Arkansas drivers' license: I've passed the written test, & just waiting for a month to pass, so I can sit the practical (which, as it just involves 4 right turns going around the block, doesn't seem too arduous).
More in a day or two
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